Doubts, Intrusive Thoughts and Mom Guilt
Having a new baby is a life-changing experience for the entire family. As a parent, you may wonder
“Was having a baby a mistake?” – Doubt
“Does my partner regret having this baby?” – More Doubt
“I am a terrible person for even thinking this!” – Guilt
Taking care of a newborn is hard! Taking care of an infant or a a toddler is hard! Some say one is more difficult than the other. It probably depends on what is more likely to trigger you. Is it not having time and the uncertainty of what is making your baby cry or is it what feels like constant protests of an older baby or toddler. Now add intrusive thoughts to the mix and it adds more guilt and shame.
Having a new baby is a life-changing experience for the entire family. Amidst the joy and excitement of welcoming a new baby, many mothers also grapple with doubts, intrusive thoughts, and mom guilt.
These feelings are not uncommon during the postpartum period and can be overwhelming for new parents.
1. Doubts: Questioning Parenthood
As a new parent, it's natural to experience moments of doubt and uncertainty. Questions like, "Was having my baby a mistake?" and "Does my partner regret having this baby?" may arise, causing anxiety and apprehension. You may feel guilty or shameful for even thinking these things. It's important to remember that these doubts do not define your feelings towards your child or your ability to be a good parent.
Acknowledging Common Doubts
First and foremost, know that you are not alone in experiencing these doubts. Many new parents grapple with similar thoughts, questioning their decisions and abilities as parents. The transition into parenthood is accompanied by changes, uncertainty and so many decisions and responsibilities, which can trigger feelings of doubt.
Understanding Doubts vs. Reality
It's crucial to differentiate between passing doubts and genuine concerns. Doubts are often a temporary response to the challenges of parenthood and do not necessarily reflect your true feelings about your baby. Take a step back, acknowledge the doubts, and give yourself space to process and adapt to the new role.
2. Intrusive Thoughts: Unwelcome and Distressing
Intrusive thoughts are another common experience during the postpartum period. These are distressing thoughts that pop up unexpectedly and may involve fears or worries about safety or harm. They can be thoughts of you hurting your baby or your baby being hurt some other way like “What if I drop my baby?” It's essential to recognize that these thoughts do not define your character or predict your actions.
Normalizing Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are a common symptom of postpartum mental health issues, particularly anxiety and depression. They often involve fears related to the baby's safety, which can be distressing and guilt-inducing. Remember that these thoughts are not a reflection of your intentions or desires.
Coping with Intrusive Thoughts
Practice mindfulness techniques to become aware of your thoughts without becoming overwhelmed by them. Remind yourself that having these thoughts doesn't make you a bad mother. Seek support from a mental health professional if these thoughts persist and affect your well-being.
3. Mom Guilt: The Weight of Perfectionism
Mom guilt is a persistent feeling of inadequacy or regret that many mothers experience. It stems from the pressure to be a perfect parent and the fear of making mistakes. It's essential to recognize that no one is a perfect parent, and it's okay to embrace imperfections.
Unpacking Mom Guilt
Understand that mom guilt is a natural part of the parenting journey. Acknowledge the societal expectations and comparisons that fuel these feelings and give yourself permission to let go of unrealistic standards. It may be helpful to reflect on where these messages are coming from. Are they a reflection of your own childhood experiences or is it community pressure when you see other moms in the area doing things that feel difficult for you. Many times, it is from comparing ourselves when we are struggling to some else’s best self when they seem to have it all together.
Practicing Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Recognize you are doing your best as a mom and that making mistakes is part of the learning process. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem.
Seeking Support
If mom guilt becomes overwhelming and affects your ability to enjoy motherhood, consider seeking therapy for postpartum depression. Therapy can provide a non-judgmental space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies.
Postpartum therapy and support groups can be invaluable resources in helping you navigate through doubts, intrusive thoughts, and mom guilt. Remember, you are a loving and capable mother, and with time, patience, and support, you will grow stronger and more confident in your role as a parent.
The postpartum period is a time of immense change and adjustment for new parents. Doubts, intrusive thoughts, and mom guilt are common experiences during this phase. Remember that you are not alone in having these experiences, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Embrace self-compassion, seek support from loved ones and professionals, and let go of the weight of perfectionism. By doing so, you can navigate the challenges of motherhood with greater ease and enjoy the precious moments with your child.
If you are struggling with intrusive thoughts, overwhelming feelings of guilt or shame or doubts because of anxiety, please reach out for support. It can be helpful to join a support group or meet with a therapist.
If you would like to talk about what you are experiencing and how therapy can help, please email me at lillybeth@therapysecure.com.
